I am taking five classes this semester. To say it has been a lot for me is an understatement. I have to pass up a lot of time with my friends and my family, because I am stuck up in my bedroom behind a computer screen. My younger brother is incredibly important to me and not being able to spend the time I used to be able to with him, has been a hard change. A couple of Fridays ago, in preparation for this Kindness Challenge, I took most of the day off of college work to have a nice afternoon together. We went to Hadley, got something to eat, visited Spirit Halloween, and stopped at Target where we got some spooky lights for our house. I loved being able to dedicate time to us. I know he would never openly admit the enjoyment that he had, but I know he loved it just as much as I had. It was something the both of us really needed. This is something that I would like to alot more time for, because it felt like a breath of fresh air.

Every week on Snapchat I post a positive inspirational quote. Quotes have always helped me voice some of the thoughts, feelings, and opinions I have but feel like I am unable to put into my own words accurately. My aim is to try and help other people like me feel like they are not alone and are seen. I normally choose the quote based off of what I have seen or heard others are going through on social media. This week's quote was “You are worthy of love, even on the days where you don’t feel lovable. Especially on those days.”           -Unknown. I really love this quote! It almost made me cry when I read it for the first time. A lot of people responded to me thanking me telling me that they appreciated the quote and how much they needed to be reminded that they are loved because they don’t always feel like they are lovable. I think I made at least a little difference; I just don’t know how long that difference will last.

Disagree better- With this challenge I talked to a person who had a different belief with politics. When hearing how they came to their thoughts I really understood that although sometimes it seems that way, the ideas of the other party are not always meant to harm you or personally attack you. It led to a better discussion because no feelings or relationships were harmed from the conversation and I got to see a whole new perspective although it didn’t change my beliefs. 

One area in which I wish to improve my internal dialogue/self-compassion is in the gym. I can recall several moments where I just broke down into tears in the middle of the gym because I had felt weaker that day, the workout was causing me more pain than joy, or I simply did not like what I saw in the mirror. I am certainly harder on myself than I would be towards other people as I never look at someone and tear their body part, rather I often find myself comparing my body to theirs. However, I know this concept of body dysmorphia is very real for many people. My boyfriend and close friend Aliyah, for example, come to me with the same concerns. To my boyfriend, I remind him of all the things that contribute to how our body looks on a day-to-day basis including water weight, what he may have eaten the day before or day of, as well as his mindset going into the gym. For my friend Aliyah, I was actually training her for a bit, I remind her that we all have to start somewhere; me included, that it takes time to gain the strength needed to do a certain exercise or lift a certain amount of weight. I encourage her when she is struggling: that she’s doing great, that her form is perfect, to keep going ‘til failure, etc. I also compliment both of them for all of their hard work and the physical results that prove it.

Today, I attempted to reverse the Golden Rule. Before heading to the gym I reminded myself that I have put on healthy weight due to all of the muscle mass I have gained over the past couple of months, that I am strong, and I will kick a$$ at the gym! I put less focus on my physical looks, by keeping a pump cover on until my blood started to flow filling out my muscles. I was indeed more self-compassionate towards myself: I felt stronger than ever and I could see all of the hard work I have put into myself in the reflection of the mirror.

I believe I can apply this strategy during hard times in the future by practicing positive self-talk whether I believe what I am saying or not; practice makes perfect. You know what they say, “fake it till you make it.” Not only that, but I believe it is important to take the time to rethink situations in a positive light. This relates to the self-fulfilling prophecy: someone "predicting" or expecting something, and this "prediction" or expectation coming true simply because the person believes or anticipates it will and the person's resulting behaviors align to fulfill the belief. Thus having a positive mindset towards a certain situation will result in a positive outcome for one’s behavior will align such belief in order to fulfill the belief.

When listening to someone who disagrees with my beliefs or ideas I often try my best to fully listen to their opinion and why they are on the opposing side of me, but it can be difficult when someones opinion is racist, homophobic, sexist etc. For this challenge I talked with someone who had opposing beliefs in certain areas than me, but their opinions were not ones that degraded anyone. After hearing about why they had such ideas I felt somewhat compassionate for them as the story they told completely explained why they felt so strongly about this topic, and it made sense. It made me actually rethink my opinion because their explanation for why they were on the opposite side was something I have never experienced so it didn't even cross my mind when it came to this topic. Learning about the "why" behind someones ideas and beliefs can be really eye opening and help you to see situations from all different perspectives and through eyes of people who have experiences completely different things from you.

I have begun to commit to paying closer attention to what 'causes' and activities I am supporting financially to ensure diversity of support AND to what proportion of my left over money (after paying bills) I am giving charitably.  At some point, I began to become overwhelmed with all of the very worthy requests for funding for organizations and events I was receiving.  I feel as I was just randomly contributing and there were weeks where I would receive 10 or so requests, and not be able to give to all.  I would then feel guilty when multiple colleagues/friends would request funds for worthy causes in the same time frame, and I had to pick and choose.

I know that some people choose one (or a few organizations to focus more deeply on).  My mom has a calendar she keeps and commits to a donation to a different organization she values monthly.  I think this is a great idea, but I'm not THAT organized!  What I am trying to do (more) is ensuring my giving alligns with my values, and because I care about so many different / worthy causes, I'm getting more comfortable with my decision to spread out my contributions which means I don't dig as deep for any one event/ organization.

I tend to turn to retail therapy as a stress releaser--and so I'm also paying more attention to how much I spend on items I don't need versus giving to organizations that support individuals (or the planet/animals etc).  How and where I give is a great way to act on the values I espouse.

Challenge 2 - Spend Kindly

This one I’m actually doing right now, and I do this ALL of the time. My boyfriend has been majorly concerned about my mental health recently and I have given him an open line of communication and I give him reassurance when he needs it. I am currently at work while he is texting me and asking questions and I am making sure I answer him while also doing my job. I have always been this way and I want to always be there for people that need me and I feel really good after doing it.

This is a little difficult because I had previously stated in earlier challenges that I do not use social media anymore. I am glad that I made that choice. So, the best I could do was to help out a kid that I work with. The other night he messaged me on FB messenger because he needed someone to talk to. He vents to me all the time at work but this time I found it odd. It was kind of late and he never messages me that late. I could tell in his messages that he was drunk and it seemed like he was really down. His mother passed away last year and she was fairly young to have a massive stroke. His mother was his anchor and I could tell that he was not doing very well. His father has been a drunk for a long time and my coworker does not drive due to the fact he has some disabilities. He has to call out sometimes because his father is too drunk to bring him to work at 11 am. I decided to answer him and I am glad that I did. We ended up talking on the phone for two hours. I had calmed him down and I had talked him away from the metaphorical edge. He has always told me that he likes talking to me because I am easy to talk to and I don’t judge him. I just listen and when he is done, I ask him if I can show him what I see out of the issue at hand. I say that these are suggestions and you don’t have to agree with them or do them. Just think about what I said. I have somehow become his therapist. It is not always something that I want to do but I feel that it is the right thing to do and that is something that I usually cannot walk away from. It will eat at me constantly and I really don’t need that. I absolutely feel that I make a difference in his life and I am only saying that because he has told me so.

Often times I am in a rush and leave just enough time to run my errands or get to where I am going with no room for error if I want to be on time. Yesterday I decided to give myself more time so I could slow down a bit and pay attention to my surroundings a bit more and put time and energy into someone else who needed it. At the end of the day I felt really good and had quite a few interactions with other people, a few who seemed to really appreciate me taking time to talk with. It felt good knowing that I may have added something positive into these peoples days and made their day a tad bit better. I think we can all get so caught up in our own lives and just the go go go of everything that we forget to slow down and just look around sometimes. This exercise made me aware of this and I now am going to try to slow down my life and leave energy for other people who may need it more than myself.

I ended up really recently helping my friend who’s car had broke down, and he didn’t know what was wrong. He called me late at night and I decided I would help because I know how a situation like that can be very stressful. I gave him a ride home after his car was towed, and he commented on me helping him and how I was a savior. It felt really nice to help someone in need like that; to know they are in a bad situation and to make them feel better after all of it truly feels rewarding and it morally feels right. Yes, I was stressed out some as well, but that doesn’t come to mind when you’re trying to help.

I reached out to an old friend of mine I hadn’t talked to in awhile. He doesn’t love necessarily the closest, so it was easy to get caught up and lose a connection that used to be there. We had a good talk and it was really nice to reconnect with someone you used to have a really good connection with. I think we both made a difference for each other and it was a positive interaction.

I recently voiced my support to someone struggling with mental illness online. They had been voicing their feelings in a TikTok video and I saw the comments flooded with people saying they felt similarly. I joined this discussion and found a whole community full of empathy and support for each other all helping each other along. This action affected me in a positive way so that I could hear from people in similar positions and hear back from people who said that my advice or similar experience helped them to feel better. As much as we hear how social media has such a negative experience on mental health and self esteem, this was one of the few times in which I felt social media was doing more good than harm. Of course that was a specific instance, but it was because a bunch of people made an effort to be kind to a stranger. If people were to change the way that they interact everyday with each other online, it could change the negativity surrounding social media. There's an influencer who I follow who shares her story recovering from addiction, mental health struggles, and other life obstacles, and surrounding her page is overwhelming positivity from all angles. This is another place that I have seen all kinds of outreach and support between followers, myself included.

I was able to talk to a friend with who I haven’t been in frequent contact since the pandemic and we were able to have a really nice conversation. We caught up on life and I in a way helped her be able to open up more to me by the way that I wrote certain messages.

It's kind of weird that I started doing this like two months ago. The last 4 to 5 years have been brutal. We have become so aggressive and downright nasty in the way we speak to each other. I found myself caught in the middle of it all. I am a very opinionated person and I am very passionate about those opinions. I am extremely outspoken and very blunt. No sugar coating from me. People that have opposite views from mine tend to find me quite abrasive at best. I actually enjoy arguing or debating. I have enjoyed it since I was a kid. My mother used to say I should become a lawyer or Politian. I tend to have a bad habit of seeking arguments out. I have gotten better.

So, within the last year, I had begun to notice the things that I was doing and saying and realized that I’m no better than the people that my fight is with. There is one difference though, I was providing actually facts into these squabbles. I noticed that I was judging people simply on if they have a mask on or the way they looked. When I realized that I had become part of the problem I no longer engaged in these conversations at work or anywhere else.

I have an older cousin that I used to be very close to. He is a lifelong Republican in all aspects of the term. He is literally the only one in my family. We would get into it from time to time, but in the end, we would agree to disagree. Since covid, I have spoken to him twice and I have not seen him. I did this because I do not want to ruin our relationship, but there is a possibility that it still might happen.

I have since started looking at people like they are people. Honestly, I have actually begun to really like a couple of them. Those people can agree to disagree which is in short demand these days. The thing that made the most difference for me was getting rid of Facebook. Within a week most of my stress and anxiety decreased drastically. In case anyone was wondering….

I went to dunkin and decided to pay it forward and pay for the people behind me, as well as myself. My dad went later that morning and told me that people had still kept the chain going. It was a good 2 hours after I originally started it. This made me feel pretty good, and It was really cool to see. I live in a small town but the Dunkin is always packed so it made me realise how many people did that, and how nobody was stopping it, or so it seemed.

I really liked how I had to talk a minute and think about my life. I'm also glad how I was able to teach myself how to treat myself with empathy.

I was definitely initially harder on myself than I would’ve been towards someone close to you. I am a teacher at the preschool and kindergarten level and when I thought about how I might respond to the kids making a mistake, I really realized how harsh I am on myself. Mainly because if someone were to talk to the kids the way that my internal dialogue talks to myself, I would be extremely upset. Reversing the rule definitely gave me more self-compassion and more compassion in general. It made me realize that how we always tell the kids to “think before you speak” or “think if your words are helping or hurting”, really is something important to think about despite how cliche it sounds. Being nice to each other is obviously important, but I never realized how beneficial it can be when you take the time to be extra nice to yourself. As someone who often thinks harshly of themselves or my actions, I think this will be a very useful strategy in the future when I make a mistake to take a minute to make sure I’m being kinder than I normally would be in my reaction.

I had completely trashed myself for backing into my wife's car but when my son backed into a light pole in the parking lot of the grocery store I just brushed it of and said it happens. It's a big truck and you're not used to it. I really do need to embrace this idea because I am usually relentless towards myself when I make mistakes.

Recently someone close to my family but who I have a history of not getting along with went to the hospital for a surgery. Although I do not like this person, I texted them a sweet message. As I was writing them this message, I realized I didn’t actually truly feel sorry or sad for them. This made me feel really bad about myself I felt like I was such a horrible person and extremely disappointed in myself. 

If I knew someone else was in the situation I was in I would not be mad or disappointed in them. I would tell them that I admire their ability to be loving even when they don’t feel like they are. 

I was definitely harder on myself then I would be on someone else in the same situation. And reversing the golden rule in this scenario didn’t really make me feel more self compassionate. In the future I will take a deep breath, remind myself that I am not hurting anyone by being kind even when I don’t feel kindly, and do my best with the situations I am given and put in. 

I learned that I don’t always think of myself as being a good and kind person, and it was difficult for me to really admit that.

I talked with my grandmother about ongoing religious differences that we've always encountered. I found that I learned a lot about her thought process and will use this when we go through situations later in life.

One way I wanted to practice this challenge was to give some of my time to one of my friends that is really having a hard time right now and is struggling. Her name is Cristina. Because we do not live in the same country, we rarely see each other, but I try to stay connected with her by calling her, texting her. And recently, one thing happened in her life that made her really upset and frustrated, so I tried my best to just listen and be empathetic to her. Sometimes it was hard not giving any advice, but I know she might just have needed a ear to listen at that moment. Although I had a lot of things to do that day, I felt like talking to her was a better use of my time.  

This is a little difficult because I had previously stated in earlier challenges that I do not use social media anymore. I am glad that I made that choice. So, the best I could do was to help out a kid that I work with. The other night he messaged me on FB messenger because he needed someone to talk to. He vents to me all the time at work but this time I found it odd. It was kind of late and he never messages me that late. I could tell in his messages that he was drunk and it seemed like he was really down. His mother passed away last year and she was fairly young to have a massive stroke. His mother was his anchor and I could tell that he was not doing very well. His father has been a drunk for a long time and my coworker does not drive due to the fact he has some disabilities. He has to call out sometimes because his father is too drunk to bring him to work at 11 am. I decided to answer him and I am glad that I did. We ended up talking on the phone for two hours. I had calmed him down and I had talked him away from the metaphorical edge. He has always told me that he likes talking to me because I am easy to talk to and I don’t judge him. I just listen and when he is done, I ask him if I can show him what I see out of the issue at hand. I say that these are suggestions and you don’t have to agree with them or do them. Just think about what I said. I have somehow become his therapist. It is not always something that I want to do but I feel that it is the right thing to do and that is something that I usually cannot walk away from. It will eat at me constantly and I really don’t need that. I absolutely feel that I make a difference in his life and I am only saying that because he has told me so.

Last week I asked one of my friends whether he thinks blood is red or blue in the body before oxygenation. I personally have always been told that blood is red in the body and that it just gets a little darker red when it is oxygenated, also when I get my blood drawn the vile's that my blood goes into are not oxygenated and my blood is red in them. My friend said blue. I asked him why he thinks it is blue and he answered “I don’t know that’s just what they taught me in school, also you can see it is blue by looking at your veins.” This experience didn’t really effects my views of the issue, because I wouldn’t call it an issue exactly, just a common disagreement. I did however feel a little bit annoyed because I wanted him to agree with me, and I really wanted to debate it with him until I could convince him that blood is red both in the body and outside of the body (but I refrained from doing that). It didn’t change my overall opinion of him though.

I work as a full time nanny where I am with children ages 1 to 10 years old, five days a week, from 6AM to 6PM. So, this challenge was pretty easy to me as I feel as though to be a positive role model I am constantly stepping in when I hear others acting unkindly. I am a pretty up front person so stepping in comes pretty naturally to me if I see or hear something that is cruel/offensive etc. I was raised to stand up for myself and others and I think because of this I have made a positive difference in quite a few peoples lives as me stepping in helped them to feel not as alone and or uncomfortable with who they are and their identity.

This challenge was quite hard for me.  I thought about googling "how to be kind to oneself" but in reality I do know what this is supposed to look like; I'm not as skilled at practicing it.

This has been a VERY hard year.  In the past six months I have had four people die with whom I was very close.  That combined with the isolation rooted in the pandemic has led me to feel quite depressed and often hopeless.  My response has been to bury myself in work until late at night--and then escape with the TV or the internet.  In other words, I've been working hard to avoid feeling.

I decided to pay closer attention to two things that I thought might reflect kindness to oneself 1. Eating better and 2. Building a practice of meditation.  As with any change in behavior, this has been slow, but committing to it through this program as led me to be more mindful of my personal commitment.  My diet has been impacted by my disinterest in preparing food and so I'm trying to find alternative ways to eat healthier involving minimal preparation.  I've enlisted the help of family/friends in doing so.

People always say 'take care of yourself' or 'be kind to yourself' assuming others know how to do that.  Intellectually I know how to do that; it does not always transfer into practice.  One thing I'm REALLY working on is allowing myself to feel and act on my feelings (not harming others, of course) and dismiss those who judge my process.  I have someone in my life who just doesn't understand why I'm not crying around the clock given all that has happened recently.  I have to experience my grief in pieces--I can't take it all in at once or I would not be able to function. Further, I'm not a very emotive person.  I can feel things deeply and it doesn't necessarily translate into expression.  When I share my feelings with the aforementioned person, she often says "you don't look like you are feeling that" which can make me feel ashamed that I don't show my emotions like a "normal" person does.  Or it can make me doubt that I'm even in touch with my feelings!  We need to meet each others where they are, but we need to do the same for ourselves.  I'm trying to survive this incredibly difficult period, and I get to do that my way.  For me right now, that is the best way I can be kind to myself.

I have recently been spending a lot of time with my son. He is leaving for boot camp on Tuesday and I have been trying to be there emotionally for him as much as possible. I know that he is nervous, anxious, excited and I’m sure a little scared. His mother and I have made these last couple of weeks all about him. I am extremely proud of him and I believe serving in the Marines should set him up nicely for the rest of his life as long as nothing terrible happens. Although I feel better knowing that there is no “active war”.
Since focusing on some of the things that affect my son in his life, I have felt better about myself even a little more content. I will have to say that it has been a little exhausting but worth it. I believe that the key to life is helping others and having minimal material possessions. We need each other now more than ever. Let’s start focusing on the things that really matter.

The other day I was in line at the store. I was waiting for my turn patiently and I was watching this older man that started getting snippy with the woman behind the counter. It seems his card kept getting declined. This must-have happened at least 10 times while I was standing there. When I had got in line he had already been there for a little while. As he continues to swipe and get declined, he starts to raise his voice towards the woman and become nasty towards her. She looks up to see that the line is backing up through the store, she asked the man very politely if he could move to the side so she could get some of the people out of the store, and then she would try to figure it out after that.

That is when he lost it on her in front of all of these people waiting. What was coming out of his mouth absolutely infuriated me. I looked up to see if anyone else had the same reaction on their face as I did. Sadly, not one person had any intention of saying something. I thought to myself am I really the only one? Turns out that I was and I was not ok with what he was doing. I walked up to the register and intervened by asking the man to calm down and that it’s not her fault and she is just trying to do her job. The man proceeded to look at me and say mind your own business. I told him that he was making it everyone’s business and I think it’s time for you to leave. He asked who I thought I was and I replied a guy that’s getting sick of your “crap”. I am not a small person by any means and he was so I started using my body to steer him towards the door. I apologized to the woman behind the counter and the last thing he said was that she is a “c—t”. I do not handle that word well and I proceeded to grab him and drag him to the door and then I shoved him out. I am not condoning what I did but I don’t regret it either. The police showed up shortly after that and the man kept trying to press charges on me. I told the cop what happened and he proceeded to ask the others in the store and the employee. The cop approached me and actually thanked me for helping. That felt pretty good. My actions in this situation had come naturally to me and throughout my life, I have always stuck up for people even though sometimes it can be detrimental to my own well-being. It always comes down to right or wrong no matter the circumstances.

I sent my grandmother a message on Facebook because she is not very healthy and due to family issues with her living situation she is under a lot of stress and is overwhelmed. My message really helped her feel better and that made me glad so I will continue to do that.

I found that spending a few more dollars to buy someone else their Dunkin' order was a really refreshing experience. I got to see their smile as the cashier told them that their food and coffee was already paid for, which was nice, knowing that I helped make someone’s day better. I think this is a great exercise in any capacity because even if you don’t want to use money, you can give a little extra kindness which can give a very similar experience. Sometimes with the students that I work with, things can become very frustrating at the end of the school day when we’re both very tired and wanting to go home, but I try and take an extra breath to really listen to what they’re saying and see how I can help. I have experienced teachers in the past who see that a student is acting out or not listening and immediately turn to reprimanding them instead of listening to what is going on. You can find out a lot about someone if you just listen to them.

This is a little difficult because I had previously stated in earlier challenges that I do not use social media anymore. I am glad that I made that choice. So, the best I could do was to help out a kid that I work with. The other night he messaged me on FB messenger because he needed someone to talk to. He vents to me all the time at work but this time I found it odd. It was kind of late and he never messages me that late. I could tell in his messages that he was drunk and it seemed like he was really down. His mother passed away last year and she was fairly young to have a massive stroke. His mother was his anchor and I could tell that he was not doing very well. His father has been a drunk for a long time and my coworker does not drive due to the fact he has some disabilities. He has to call out sometimes because his father is too drunk to bring him to work at 11 am. I decided to answer him and I am glad that I did. We ended up talking on the phone for two hours. I had calmed him down and I had talked him away from the metaphorical edge. He has always told me that he likes talking to me because I am easy to talk to and I don’t judge him. I just listen and when he is done, I ask him if I can show him what I see out of the issue at hand. I say that these are suggestions and you don’t have to agree with them or do them. Just think about what I said. I have somehow become his therapist. It is not always something that I want to do but I feel that it is the right thing to do and that is something that I usually cannot walk away from. It will eat at me constantly and I really don’t need that. I absolutely feel that I make a difference in his life and I am only saying that because he has told me so.

I bought my co workers coffee and munchkins and I found myself in a much better mood throughout the day because everyone else was also in a better mood

I bought lunch for my family which I haven't done in a while. I felt good after doing it and it made me realize I should do it more often.